A few good DBAs

Jan 23 2009

CIO: "Did you order the schema change?"

DBA: "You want answers?"

CIO: "I think I'm entitled."

DBA: "You want answers!!"

CIO: "I want the truth!"

DBA: "You can't handle the truth!"

DBA: "Son, we live in a world that has databases. And those databases have to be administered by men with laptops. Who's gonna do it? You? Developers? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom.

You weep for your application and you curse the DBA team. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that your application's crash, while tragic, probably saved the database. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, preserves data integrity.

You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me online. You need me on online! We use words like referential integrity, table constraints, and triggers... we use these words as the backbone to a life spent administering databases. You use 'em as a punch line. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very data integrity I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I'd prefer you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you logon and start writing SQL. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!!"

CIO: "Did you order the schema change???"

DBA: "I did my job, I'd do it again."

CIO: "Did you order the schema change??!"

DBA: "You're !%@&*? right I did!"



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